What's It Like Being At a Gangbang? With Lucy Belmont

Fluffer B gives us the inside track on what its like hanging out at a Gangbang

HK: Here's the thing. A guy like me? I get sent some articles. I’m so deep in it sometimes people send me articles that are about other articles.  But very rarely do they get me thinking as much as the article you sent me last week titled “My Birthday Gangbang,” written by sex theorist and writer

Aella

. The article, as you might guess, is an extremely detailed, thoughtful, and data-driven account of a sex party Aella hosted for her birthday. 

RS: And here’s another thing. A gangbang? That’s a type of hang. As armchair social scientists, we needed to know more. Today we have a Good Hang exclusive… an interview with Lucy Belmont, or “Fluffer B,” as she is called in Aella’s post.

HK: The Aella Birthday Gang Bang received rave reviews from attendees, especially from a vibes perspective. After talking with Lucy, that's not surprising to me. She was extremely charming, warm, and thoughtful–someone I’d want at any party!

RS: You can follow Lucy on Twitter or check her website out here. 

Harry: Ok let's start with the interview process to be part of the gangbang, what can you tell us about that? 

Lucy:  They were 10 minutes each. First, I painted a fairly unflattering picture of the gangbang. I was like, picture this, there's only one woman, it's Aella. You're in a line of men just trying to get yourself hard. You get up to her, you get like two minutes with her, there's no quality time, she's struggling and overwhelmed, and you don't even know if she likes it. You're told to either come in her or not come at all. That's it. That ruled out absolutely zero guys.

[We were] looking for [people] who seemed keen to follow the rules.

Randa: Damn, I wish all parties had that kind of commitment to rules and the vibe. How did you sus out whether somebody wouldn't like the vibe of the party?

Lucy: There were some people where we just didn't like their vibe. Like maybe their responses were a little flippant or self-aggrandizing. There was a series of questions about the ideal demeanor of a gangbang-ee. We were looking for guys who rated “struggling and overwhelmed” highly and like “sweet and eager” quite low. So any guy who said five on sweet and eager, we were like, get out of here, buddy.

Harry: It would also be funny to have a party that's like, you really only want to come to this if you rate like seven or eight or nine on dancing.

Lucy: So true! This is a good idea. I now want to make like a master party survey where there are no wrong answers because we're going to throw a series of parties that are attuned to each of these different vibes, and you're just going to get invited to the party that's your vibe. I love that. 

Harry: Was there a North Star style of gangbang you were hoping for from a vibes perspective?

Lucy: There were two parts of the vibe that ran parallel. One was the actual social vibe of the event, which I would say was impeccable. This was a good vibes party. There was a lot of laughter and social support. The guys were all buddy, buddy. And quite a few people actually remarked that they were expecting a more competitive or cold vibe. Everyone was really cooperative and like, psyching each other up. That's exactly the vibe I would have anticipated and the vibe we set with the interview process. There was an opening speech where we laid out the structure and rules, and that was full of jokes. So everyone was kind of laughing and felt like they were in on something. I think we made everyone hold up their hand and solemnly swear to only cum in the birthday girl.

That’s the kind of thing that really bonds people–a shared mission.

And then the sexual vibe: personally, my North Star there was probably aligned with Aella’s, something like a gang of 50 men who are all just ready to go, rock hard and like jostling to take me, you know? And that is not what happened. It turns out that performing in a room with 40-some odd other guys with their dicks out and a bunch of people watching you, it's just not really easy for most men.

Harry: Totally.

Randa: What was the music like? The shape of the room? How close together are people? 

Lucy: Yeah, so it was in this apartment space that gets rented out for sex parties. It has sexy pictures on the wall, and there's some like sexy equipment around and stuff. So you walk in, and there's a large room with a kitchen where we had a bunch of snacks laid out on a table, and then like a little living room area, and this was the mingle space.

I have no idea what was going on there during the party. I can tell you at the beginning when everyone arrived, you came in and had all your clothes and stuff confiscated and put in a bag, and you’re given one of the famed matching bathrobes and before things really got started it was just like 40 dudes standing around talking which was actually super fun. 

And then off of that room there was the room where Aella was eventually on a massive four poster metal framed bed. There were a few of us fluffers in there. And the guys were lined up and then they could kind of veer off the line to interact with the fluffers while headed towards the bed where Aella was. 

Harry: Who picked the snacks and what were they?

Lucy: I picked out the snacks! We had fruit and cheese and crackers and chocolates. What else? There was pizza. Someone brought a ton of pizza. Almost no one knew each other. So everyone's sort of in the same boat, standing around in the kitchen, eating pizza, being like, Hmm, so, did you fuck Aella? A common talking point helps too. 

Harry: Was there a name tag situation? Do people have name tags? 

Lucy: We did have name tags. I think that we gave them nametags and then a number for the trash bag that we put all their clothes and cell phone and stuff in.

Harry: Okay, what about, was this gangbang a good place to meet a friend? Like, do you think there are people who will maintain friendships either intra fluffer or intra gangbanger?

Lucy: Yeah, absolutely! I mean, I made a couple friends at the event, especially afterwards when everyone was hanging out chatting. There were a bunch of really interesting cool people who came. A couple of my friends who were there also ended up hanging out with people who they met at the party. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a bunch of gang bangers who have also made these connections.

Aella put the quote in her article like, “Oh, I wasn't expecting to meet another YC founder here.” I was kind of joking, but I was like, man, we should have had in the contract that any company that's formed out of this gang bang, we get 10 percent equity up front.

Randa:: Why do you think it was easy for people to make friends? Like, what about it served as a good place for that? 

Lucy: Hmm, there's probably a few things.

I think a majority of the people who applied in some way followed Aella, and she's got a lot on offer, and some people found her through FetLife, and for them it was more purely sexual than anything, but like, if you follow her on Twitter and you're reading her blog, you're probably interested in data and thinking deeply about the world, and that itself is a filter for a certain type of person.

And I did see that. A lot of the people there were kind of intellectual and, like, techy, a little nerdy, which makes perfect sense given how we sourced them. And then I do think the vibe of a party is sort of self-perpetuating. So we set the vibe as, like, a very welcoming, open place.

And then it just continued that way. And again, it's self-perpetuating. So once people fell into that, anyone who hadn't yet caught the bug was soon finding themselves in open conversation. 

Harry: Was there a non-sex party that the vibe reminded you of? My guess was an Open Mic.

Lucy: So, open mic's a good one, and I see why you came to that, but honestly, the only thing I can think of is like, waiting in line to see Santa.

us hearing gangbangs are like waiting for santa

Lucy: Like, maybe you're a little nervous. Santa's there, and you've heard a lot about him–he's in all the books and the movies! And it's gonna be your moment, but you only get a minute with him, and you wanna make sure you remember all the presents you wanna tell him, and you're dressed up in this sweater that your mom put on you and all the other kids are in matching sweaters too, you know? And there are these weird people kind of like shuffling you along, and it's almost time! And then afterwards you're like, I don't even know what happened, but I know I sat on Santa's lap. And maybe your body didn't respond how you thought it would. Maybe you're crying and then your mom took a picture of you crying on Santa's lap.

 Harry: I– 

 Lucy: I don't think anyone cried, to be clear. 

Harry: You mentioned that while you were fluffing, you were also chatting with people. Do you remember any of the stuff you were talking about, kind of mid-fluff?

Lucy: It was really chit-chatty. Like a new guy would come up and I'd be like, hi, what's your name? And then I'd introduce myself and I'd be like, now remind me, did I interview you? And it was kind of cute.

There were some really cute conversations! Like the, the virgin went first in line– he was the very first person to bang Aella, and then when he made it to me. I was like, okay, so you're not a virgin anymore, clearly, you banged Aella, and you've had sex for three minutes before me ever in your life. And he was like, yeah, and I was like, awesome. Do you want to try a new position or something? Have you ever done doggy? And he was like, obviously I've never done doggy. And I was like, do you want to try it? And then he was like, yeah, okay. So, you know, I assumed the position. And then he was like, well, I need to focus. I've never done this before.

And I can't remember what the point of confusion was, but I was like, I'm going to be honest, I don't really know what goes on back there. I just do my thing up here. And so I called over some other guys. I was like, can you like help with the angle or whatever it is? And the other guys were like, definitely! And they helped him.  

And there was another point in time where I was on my hands and knees fluffing one guy via mouth and one guy was fucking me, and I was like, hold up, hold up. This is perfect for an Eiffel Tower. Can you guys just join hands? So we've got an official Eiffel Tower here? And they were like, of course. And so we did that. So the whole thing was really playful. It was a lot of silliness, which I love. 

Harry: Wow…I’m not sure I could handle that.

Lucy: Which part?

Harry: The ET…I guess maybe I could see myself getting to a place of where I am having a goofy enough relationship to sex in that moment that I'm doing an Eiffel Tower, but it would take some coaxing, for sure. 

Lucy: Well, if the fluffer asks, what are you gonna do, decline? 

Harry: I mean, in that way, I'm also very agreeable, so maybe I wouldn't…Anyway, changing topics, would you suggest that people go to a sex party as a way to meet people and build community?

Lucy: Well, I think you should only do it if you really want to do it because a sex party seems to me like it would be overwhelming or unpleasant if it's not something you really want to be doing. If you're particularly interested in meeting really interesting, open minded people, it's a great place to do that. There's a strong filter applied.

Randa: Two part question – do you have any words of advice for people who are throwing parties in general, and do you have any advice for people throwing a sex party?

Lucy: I do like the idea that a shared goal brought people together. I once hosted a large murder mystery party for like 70 people and that was a great icebreaker for a long weekend where a bunch of people who didn't know each other were going to be getting to know each other, and that worked tremendously well because you kind of had to go talk to everyone. Part of a murder mystery is getting notes from every single person there and it was a clear shared mission.

You have license to be silly and act in a certain way, and you know you won't be judged for it because it's like what the mission of the party is. It's almost less cool to not participate, right? 

For throwing a sex party, I would say filtering the people carefully. Critical, and I'm really glad actually that our main filters were kind of vibe related, over performance related. Even though the biggest failure point was probably performance, it would've been a far larger failure point to have a vibe fallout.

That kind of negativity can spread like wildfire through an event. Like if one guy was acting hyper competitive or like negging people or something, the whole thing would have collapsed, you know?

Harry: Lucy, thank you so much. 

Randa: Yeah, Lucy this was great. Thank you so much! 

Lucy: It was great chatting with you guys!