Is it Chic to date a 23 year old guy?

Good Hang Gives Back wades into Age Discourse....

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Dear Randa and Harry,

I just got out of a long term relationship and I’m not looking to date anyone at the moment but I, a 30 year old sexual being, have needs. And I love a cheeky little fling. Enter: 25 year old boys. 

Having found myself (unintentionally) in the Gen Z dating scene I’ve begun to realize that boys ranging from 23-26 have a certain charm and effervescence which makes for my perfect casual counterpart. For starters, being 5 years their senior creates an unmatched dating dynamic that I just can’t seem to find in men my age. The age gap immediately establishes a coquettish rapport. We both know we’re not going to date which keeps the conversation and vibe fun and casual.

There’s also an exciting unspoken mutual fear of one another for vastly different reasons. I’m scared of their unmade beds and attachment to “the scene” which makes me surprisingly conscious of my clothes and language. And they’re just simply scared of a confident, sexy, established 30 year old woman. Lastly, they’re surprisingly uninhibited in bed. And you just can’t beat a good lay.

While it may seem I’m thrilled with this dating scheme, I’m finding myself questioning if this is all a tad embarrassing. I keep telling myself it’s “in” and ahead of the trend to date younger men. My question is, is it chic or tacky to sleep with 25 year old boys as a 30 year old woman? Is it uncouth to be dating younger men simply for the casualness of it all? Am I leaning old crone when I’m trying for femme fatale? Please, do not call me a cougar, I simply cannot bear that title.

Kisses,

Chic, Casual, and Confused

RS:

Ok C-cubed. First of all, you are not alone. This topic has graced the group chats a number of times recently…

i think something’s happening where like, city-dwelling ladies knocking on the door of our third decade are feeling panic, shame, and fear at the idea of banging a 23-25 year old. but i personally think it’s cool.

whereas men around our age or older may assume we’re trying to trap them, the young boys may assume more pure intentions. the fun part of dating is the possibility, the rush, the connection! once we hit our late 20s/30s it goes into the job interview zone. dating younger can make it fun again…………………..

HOWEVER

i think “Casual Dating” is a sneaky paradox. call me Trad, but i don’t think anyone, deep down, wants to date casually. i’m just not buying it. i bet if you, C-cubed, met a young guy who was everything u wanted and more, and he just happened to be 23, you’d wanna husband him. or at the very least, it would cause you some emotional distress. 

the “older women + younger man = casual” formula just isn’t always true. anybody you deem not viable as a partner could be “casual.” maybe younger guys tend to be lacking in the qualities you’re looking for in a long term partner? like maybe they don’t clean their rooms or something?

i don’t think your antics are uncouth or tacky or old crone. i put them in the same category as attempting ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘being chill about dating a poly guy.’ if you actually like the guy, it's probably gonna cause some chaos in your life but maybe it will also be fun!!! fuck around and find out!!

take this glowing review from an anonymous GH reader who dated a younger man:

one dude would just come over in the middle of the day or text me at like 7am after a coke-fueled (and who knows what else) night. he came over and we drank mimosas and then i had him drive me to my alanon meeting - low point or high point? not sure but it was fun!

HK: Ah yes, the unbearable lightness of being 5 years older than the dude you’re smashing. 

Andy Warhol, known sex haver, has a famous quote ‘art is getting away with it’. The same applies to ‘being chic.’ This is to say that of course it is chic and of course, it is a horrible idea. 

1. At 23-25 I would have really loved to have a fling with a 30-year-old woman. I had the Tinder sliders doing the splits for a while….

2. I can’t imagine a more unsettling and turbulent lay than me or just about any of my friends at that time in our lives. I had this Camilia Paglia quote SAVED TO MY FAVORITES in my camera roll because I sent it so much. Totally 100% not a joke.

   

So no, dating a 24 year old boy is not a ‘good idea.’ However, I think the larger project of chicness and sexiness and chaotic dynamics is extremely worthwhile. 

Bear with me but im going to do a bit of “meme analysis” 

there is a lot of truth across the gender spectrum, in this meme. Whether we like it or not, a part of dating we yearn for is for someone to come into our lives and “fuck our whole shit up.” We want to be broken into a million pieces and stomped on and drop kicked into the hudson by someone we cant stop being like “theyre soooo hot.” 

One of the issues with the sort of ‘anti-dynamic’ of hinge is that we get all the pedantic annoying logistical pain of a casual fling without any of the actual blunt force trauma. Nothing takes hold. So yea, you’re out of a long relationship, hinge is trying to show shareholder value, sure…fuck a 24 year old. Just don’t be mad when he nuts and rolls over and is like 

That's my two cents, but I also asked some people who have actual experience with this kind thing. Here are some findings:

You will get respect from other women

You may need to brush up on ‘rick and morty’ while he may need to brush up on ‘nine eleven’

I’m dying at the idea of a 24 year old dude just like showing you ex-machina or something. Fred Again on the sex playlist. It would all be so funny.

RS

these are the references i was making at 25

HK

What is barefoot contessa

RS

HK

would…..

RS

…

HK

Anyway C-cubed, you’ll be happy to know that we found more support for your lifestyle:

At least one other woman recommends it

10/10: would do again, would recommend, all the trite sayings. Overall it was really fun; it was a time in my life when I wasn't looking to be attached to anything - I had just moved to the city, had a new job with an unpredictable schedule...I wanted to date and be social but I didn't want any pressure. The sex was great and he is very attractive and smart, so I genuinely enjoyed being around him and I always had a good time.

RS

HK: P.S. Look at this meme I made when I was 25 because having sex made me feel so insane