Want to Meet Someone in Real Life? We Know Just the Plane...

...of Existence. Harry and Randa give some occult locations to fall in L

HK: Randa, last week the New York Times ran an article about the best places in New York City to have a meet-cute. I’d file this type of article under the category of Digi Listi or “Dignified Listicle.” I’ve got no problem with a list, especially a thoughtful one. This sandwich digi listi has already become canon among the fellas. 

I think this Times list has some hits and some misses. I could totally see meeting someone at a Liberty game being plausible, reenacting the How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days scene but with a Jonquel Jones tween tween pull-up three? Sign me up! Also obviously….Frog Bar.

But here’s the thing…the new york times…famously…is on the wrong continuum. They're talking latitude and longitude…not to mention M’ing C’s for heinous global conflict. They provide answers beholden to the physical world. At Good Hang…we’re on a different type of shit. We’re hitting the griddy in the Elder Level. We’re booty calling hinge matches being like ‘yo come meet me in the liminal space between two worlds.’

Want to meet someone in real life? We know just the…ₚₗₐₙₑ ₒ𝒻 ₑₓᵢₛₜₑₙ𝒸ₑ

The Haphazard Chair Taxi Flirt Zone

My MK ultra trigger would be “sure just pull up a chair.” Except instead of looking for the nearest Kennedy to suplex, the CIA seems to have programmed me to just have sexual tension with my friends friends friend who i end up sitting next to. We’ve all been here though – you pull up to a party that hasn't quite crossed the Rubicon into a ‘standing at a bar party’ and is still a ‘sitting at bar party.’ Inevitably it seems, you end up after the chair amoeba reconfigures, to be sitting next to someone you don’t know that well but now have sexual tension with. This is a good place to meet someone at. 

The Jungian Late Millennial Mutual Brain Rot Zone

Carl Jung once said ‘as men, we’re looking for a woman who knows the same weird stuff about the internet, to kiss us and then hit us with a hammer and kill us.’ I haven’t read a lot of Jung but this is really resonant. You start texting the right person who has the same style of brain damage as you, well…that’s #amore.

(P.S. Luke Winkie wrote an interesting piece on this topic for his substack On Posting)

The Dialogical Party Divorcee Numerology Plateau AKA “The 11:45 PM Zone”

On a macro level, a phenomenon whispered about by people approaching their mid 30s is where all the young divorcees become single again and the dating pool suddenly expands. I can’t speak to that, i’m 29. 

I do want to talk about this phenomenon on a micro level. The 11:45 pm Zone. Everyone knows that if you are single you can make it to about 1 am on a night off just the propulsive energy of possibly smooching someone. Everyone also knows it takes 30-45 minutes of riffing and close talking to smooch. That means if a party starts at 10 pm – you’ve got a maximum 6 possible windows for a 30 minute conversation before you run out of juice. 10:00 - 10:30, 10:30-11, 11:00- 11:30 etc.. HOWEVER. We’re not animals, even the most depraved single people when they pull up to a party are doing other things, getting drinks, talking to friends, peeing. When it all shakes out you get 2…MAYBE 3 swings at the close talking > make out pipeline. 

Given all of this – The 11:45 zone becomes the most sexually charged moment of the func. The natural flirtatious rhythms of the night have brought some people together for a 30 minute chat, most of them have failed, and now the singles, much like the 30-something-divorcees, must re-enter the sesh, looking for one final chat, one key bump of rizz to see if they can have the night they sort of loosely wanted to have. You’ve got from 11:45 to abouuuuut 12:15 before you get too sleepy to rizz. It’s a great time to meet someone. 

Vaguely Horny Sensory Deprivation Chamber AKA ‘the cave’

Something you NYC readers don’t appreciate is the literal cave we hang out at in SF. It’s really more of a tunnel than a cave, sandy bottomed, right on the ocean – the tide crashes into it and adds to the acoustics. No ‘frog bar’ could compare (‘surf bar’ tho…)

It’s undeniably more than a physical space; when you’re in the cave and your ears pop from the trapped air, you’re accessing the Trapped Soul Aspect of the Intermediate Plane of the Astral Realm. That’s right. You’re trapped in the cave with 1-5 of your Hinge matches who you’ve left on read. And you can’t even see them. But you can sense their presence.

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Bonus Take: Brat is Barter 6 for girls

HK: this is totally unrelated to ocult meeting spots…but I just hear me out!!

Genre-bending pop adjacent ✅

Mercurial artist persona flitting in and out of total performance mastery ✅

Meaghan Garvey Banger Review ✅

People on the internet writing academic essays about lines like “I just spent a bentley on my kidneyyyyyys” and “When you’re in the mirror your just looking at me” ✅

This is quarter quarter-formed take…i’m not totally sure what the vibe implications are yet, or what i mean by ‘for girls’ but one thing I’m certain about is that Brat is The Barter 6 for girls.