The Good Hang Texting Taxonomy Pt 2

imessage reactions, voice notes, polling...with some special guests!

Wsup Good Hangers, here is part 2 of the Texting Taxonomy. We enlisted some fellow thought leaders Haley O'Shaughnessy and Sophie Haigney to give some ETTs (Esoteric Texting Takes). It will genuinely shock you which of them invokes “The Boston Celtics.” Part 1 is here. Also…we’re doing BIG THINGS on our Instagram. Give it a follow! 

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CLOWNING

Working Definition:  attempting to elicit a “lmao,” “lmfao,” “LOL,” 🤣, ☠️

forbidden words: none (same as sexting….)

Examples:

Bottom Line

RS: this is why i keep that mf thang (my phone) on me. i want to make my friend across the country spit out their drink bc of something i texted them. perhaps it’s a power thing… I gave up lol for LOL a long time ago because i don’t play about my digital laughter….

HK: nothing…and i mean NOTHING…hits like firing a heater off in the boys chat….speaking of….

RS: These reactions are the lowest effort way to respond. When my mom switched from sending five emojis in a row to simply liking my messages, it created what some might call an “attachment wound.”

Preset iMessage reactions are only acceptable in the following situations:

1. Group chats where it’s cleaner to react vs. everybody giving their own response

2. When your friend goes schizo in the 1:1 chat. You can throw out reactions to the threads you wanna ignore, and then respond in full to the rest

3. When you want to end a 1:1 conversation

There is a completely underutilized feature that bridges the gap between mom-style emoji trains and lackluster reactions. I present you with the emoji sticker:

Emoji stickers allow you to tap into your creativity and communicate so much more without crowding the chat. I recommend them.

MEME/TWEET/SOMEONE ELSE’S JOKE

Working Definition: LOL outsourcing

Forbidden words: fuckjerry,

Example:

Bottom Line: 

HK Texting a meme to your boy is both the medium’s most thoughtless act, and in a way its most important. It is in many ways the path of least resistance. Memes are made to be shared. It wouldn’t surprise me if most platforms' number one UX principle is to make content sharing as frictionless as possible. Meme sharing fades further into irrelevance when you factor in how ubiquitous recommendation algorithms are. Chances are, you’re seeing the same content as the people you send memes too. In fact, it's almost certainly literally weighted into your recommendation algorithm.  It's why we’re seeing a rise of the heartbreaking “I’ve already seen this” phenomenon. 

AND YET!! AND YET!!! When we all really take stock of why we even bother with these fucked up decaying digital platforms, why we willingly trade our data and our dignity for access to websites, what tilts the scale in favor of staying on is how godly and beautiful it feels to micro curate extremely hyper fire dank content with your best friends. That and money and having sex.

RS: three ppl have sent this to me and i liked it

GH ADVANCED TEXTING TAKE: POLLING THE FELLAS

from Sophie Haigney

One way I like to use texting is for what I call “polling the fellas” (gender neutral). This is basically firing off a question to a bunch of people and generating a broad range of responses. Sometimes these are straightforward basically logistical questions like—should I wear my pink leather miniskirt to the party? (No one is ever going to say, no, don’t do that, but you still want to hear “YES,” “absolutely,” “do it” from a Greek chorus of buddies.) But more interesting and fun is polling the fellas about questions that arise from minor interpersonal dramas or dynamics. Crucially these must be low-stakes, or nothing is gained from sharing them with a big group of people. An interesting recent example was when my boyfriend forgot the first Celtics game was on a night when we had plans to go to a book party. I was not that deeply invested in the outcome (which was, in the end, that we would do both things, since timing allowed for it and I too am invested in the Celtics for the reason that I am from Boston.) But even after this outcome became clear it was the perfect question for polling the fellas, and so I texted: “Is it okay to cancel on your girlfriend to watch the Celtics? Discuss.” 

The answers were swift. “If it’s the nba finals, yes. Absolutely yes.” A friend told a story about choosing between hanging out with his girlfriend the night before she embarked on a long trip and game 7 of a Warriors finals series. (Warriors.) One friend observed that since it was only game one, it didn’t seem totally necessary to watch; another friend said game one was one of the most important games to watch, compared to games two and three, and then we had a discussion about the nature of a basketball series and which games matter in which different ways. A friend observed that the problem at hand wasn’t the Celtics, but the changing of plans—and this led to some discussion on the way different people relate to the fixedness of plans. (I am quite rigid.) A friend’s wise crush, who was polled secondhand, said: “I think if it's someone you’re generally good w/ and the communication is strong, bball wins out because it’s time constrained and unmissable.” Someone told me that I should try to think about this through the lens of my own commitment to the idea of Boston. Someone else observed that this would not be a problem for him because everyone he knows would be watching the Celtics.

What was I gaining from this polling of the fellas? On some level, very obviously, nothing; I was wasting time on my phone and I wasn’t even looking for answers really, as the question had already been resolved in practical terms. But I think there is something to polling the fellas, in part because I like the way these small questions about logistics, plans, priorities, commitments can bring up what really matters to people, and I like learning what those are. Minutia, experienced in realtime, are often a pathway into the philosophical and I think that’s beautiful. Hence: polling the fellas.

CATCHING UP

Working Definition: Going Phone Call Alchemy Mode with your thumbs and your best friend who lives in LA 

Forbidden Words: in this case, the only forbidden move is to stop texting and go back to work 

Bottom Line: When done right, a rapid text convo can have a Goldilocks effect…where the urgency of a conversation gets buffered by the writing process and you get a sweet spot where dangerous ideas and esoteric riffs can emerge. Texting your boy on Amtrak at sunset >>>>>> nothing like it.

GH ADVANCED TEXTING TAKE: VOICE NOTES

from Haley O'Shaughnessy

i would lift the embargo on thinkpieces just to read or write or listen to one on voice notes. i live and die and date by the VN. i wish i was voice notesing this right now. why????? some of us are born talented beautiful gorgeous storytellers. some of us have more rizz talking than typing. some of us have looming carpal tunnel in our thumbs. some of us love podcasts but in mini teensy tiny bite size. some of us would love to chit chat all day in prospect park with our friends but can’t do that like god and You Talking To Me? actor robert dinero intended because of our stinky jobs we have to work all day to pay our stinky rent. (oh nooooo what if we could do something about that.. haha… unless….)

to successfully engage in VN (platonic or romantic) you have to follow a couple rules:

• consent: does this person like receiving voice notes. it’s a guaranteed flop if they don’t 

• acknowledge personal preferences (a simple “you don’t have to VN back” disclaimer the first time you pitch comms via VN)

• patience: you can’t expect someone to listen right away. you’re engaging in Big Corporate hustle culture. the longer the VN the longer the statute of listentations. most should be under 1-2 min. it took me three weeks to listen to these

• must have a cutie pie voice (romantic only): i won’t shame you if you have a freak voice (i have a good heart 🥰🥰🥰 and im single!!) but understand this is a risk. ask the group chat if you hit above the voice note mendoza line

• DON’T save unless it’s sweet. never save gossip or nefariously petty notes. oppy behavior!!!

VN WARNINGS😵‍💫 / VN BLESSINGS🙏🏼: 

generally unsuccessful for you up? texts:

NOT enough to save a relationship: 

IS enough to start a fling:

HK: whenever Al goes to this one bar he sends a long voice note debriefing his night

RS: better than a spotify link i’ll tell u that…