NMJC Presents: Hanging Out
with special guest Dora Grossman-Weir
Helloooo blood boys and girls of NMJC…Larry and Randa here.
You guys might not know this, and you might not even like it, but we are experts at Hanging Out. That being said, we don’t know everything there is to know about socializing with our fellow travelers. That’s why we’re conducting a longitudinal study on the art and science of Hanging Out.
In this edition, we go behind the scenes with our friend Dora Grossman-Weir, food industry socialite and hangout star to see what she did this weekend. We also give Dora the opportunity to consult us as hanging out experts. Don’t miss her question about third-wheeling. Without further adieu…
Dora…how was your weekend?
friday
Loooong chatty dinner with some of my dearly beloveds at new cool restaurant Gertrude’s. Team there was so nice and let us drink 5 bottles of wine over the course of 4 hours and turn our 3-top into a 4-top into a 6-top.
saturday
A homie Will Ryan and his breakfast sandy pop-up Percy’s were at one of my places of employment, so I helped them get all set up and settled in and then brought the line cooks at my #maingig some breakfast sandwiches and sausage rolls to make their little mornings.
sunday
Line cooks used my backyard to house the first iteration of their nascent pizza pop-up. I got very sweaty and day-wine-buzzed and ran around being unhelpful to the chefs. A crucial part of the hang, though, was the secret room where I was keeping the door closed and the air conditioning running and I would pull people that I love into it to cool down/sing into microphones/drink more wine. One of the chefs sang and played a super beautiful rendition of Summer Breeze.
monday
Sat around in the sun sweating and chatting and learning how to shuck oysters and by the end of it I never wanted to do anything ‘efficiently’ ever again.
Dora…you are a famous Food and Bev Industry Titan, and as such you find yourself at all kinds of Swaggy Pop Ups with Cool People. What’s the best way to actually make friends at those types of parties? What's your hang-out strategy at those parties?
I think I need to distinguish my strategy at events where I am working vs. events I am attending.
One universal: Buy people things (drinks, food). It makes people feel close to you as well as special and taken care of. It’s both generous (sharing!) and self serving (they like you now).
When I’m working: make eye contact and smile and always say hello to as many people as I can… I know that sounds rudimentary but when you’re a little in the shits it can be easy to put your head down and just grind out whatever you are doing but I try to stay open and chatty and it always makes me have a better time.
As an off-the-clock party goer, I try to lose my inhibitions as soon as possible, so as to put myself in the position to interact with others. This occasionally means I become the freak of the party (every party has one). That is okay. It’s a risk you have to take. If there is good music, dancing is a good way to strike up a convo. If you like someone’s outfit or item of apparel, tell them!!!! Everyone worried about what they were gonna wear, so it’ll bare minimum make them feel more confident and in an ideal world, spark a convo as well.
And once you lock in with someone... That’s your rock. Don’t try to make friends with the whole party. If you really catch a vibe, double down. You might squeeze enough out of an hour or two with them to have the basis for a real friendship.
One of the beauties of hanging out is the weird ideas that emerge…what were you talking about this weekend?
Writers strike in the air brought forth a lot of thoughts on the state of TV (is The Bear a sitcom? Is True Detective season 1 a buddy comedy?).
I have been talking about aging the last three weeks a lot ever since I threw my back out…. Everyone seems to agree that things are starting to hurt and we need to stretch.
Who was the Most Valuable Stranger (MVS) of the weekend?
Rachel the absolutely lovely and badass GM at Gertrude’s who chatted with us so much and sent us not one but TWO cake desserts.
Song of the weekend?
Romance Vibes?
Only imaginary(/that said, actively seeking).
Craziest feeling?
Omg I just dropped one hundred dollars at Ten Ichi Mart
Hangout Confession?
I wish I could always be cuddling with anyone I’m talking to.
NMJC Hanging Out Consulting Corner
NMJC: Do you have any questions for us?
DGW: Third-wheeling gets a bad rep. I love hanging out with couples, even if I don’t know both of them super well. What do you guys think about third wheeling and how can couples be BETTER when faced with a three-way hang?
RS: The worst part about hanging out with couples is when they do some sort of non-verbal communication with each other that goes on too long. Like when they’re making eye contact or touching each other for just a few seconds longer than they should. And it comes out of nowhere like mid-conversation so then you as the third wheel have to stare off into space or something. Couples should not look at each other when hanging out with another person. No prolonged eye contact.
HK: Its important to third wheel with people who have:
-just kissed once (asking someone your roommate met last night what her favorite episode of the sopranos is)
-been dating 6-10 months (pre love you)
-been dating 3+ years
It’s important to Not Third Wheel with couples who have done the following:
-0 kisses (obvious)
-2-6 kisses
-one of them has ever kissed you
-the ‘i love you zone’ (10 months - 1.5 years)
Most of these are obvious but I’ll explain the ‘i love you’ zone. most of the time I think couples are pretty much cool with you tagging alone, assuming you are cool…but i do think there is a phase where all two people in L wanna do is like…stare at each other. If you can avoid extended periods of time with people in this zone…you’ll be fine.
p.s.
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