New Possible Avenue for Love Just Dropped
Big Hinge does NOT want you to know this trick!!!
we’d like to extend a warm welcome to all our new good hanger outters! week 1 of Operation H.O.A.M.K. is coming to a close. what you’re about to read is a sorta quintessential good-hang-style piece. we got conversations. we got memes. we got lists of social rules that we’ve made up. plz enjoy and direct any complaints to our public comment section. we’ll be back on monday with another hotttt single 🥵
HK:
One of the themes of the new season of True Detective: Night Country appears to be the ramifications of when scientists attempt to “play god”. There is a laboratory in Alaska where scientists are drilling deep into the depths of the Arctic Ocean with the hope of finding a possible solution to aging, or a new organism that could kill everyone.
It occurred to me, randa, that we are doing something similar but with hinge.
It’s thankless work, clocking into the hinge mines trying to invent new types of nonchalant rizz, and I think I can speak for you when I say that we do it because we love it and because we love having sex with strangers.
It is with all of that in mind that I’d love to present to you, and our audience, a possible new frontier of hinge usage.
Ok picture this – It’s Sunday night (for young single people this is The Hinge Zone) and you’ve hit a wall. Nothing is working! Not even the can’t-miss move of liking a photo and being like “holy shit I think that’s my cousin behind you”. (I’m joking that does work every time but does have some obvious moral and logistical consequences)
Most of the time the only reasonable thing to do is to close the app and pray that tomorrow on the subway the girl next to you institutes that you are listening to a chat podcast in the same general cultural milieu as her.
But I’ve got a new third option. Look inward. Not into you heart…but into the “hidden” section of the hinge app.
One of the unspoken rules of hinge is that once a chat goes cold…it’s over. You’ve got maybe 3-4 days of no response before you can safely assume that you are DOA. She’s forgotten your name, or never learned it in the first place. (I have a friend, The Fish Don, who insisted on the 3-day bump if he got no response. I found this to be totally insane but now he has a girlfriend that he met on Hinge.)
The 3 day bump is off-limits for me. I’m too proud. But then I got to thinking, when does a bump transform into something less desperate-coded and more…ironic? Understanding of the complexity of life? Thoughtful? That's right, i'm talking about bumping a girl on hinge from like a year ago.
The Thoughtful Re-engage
Lemme stop here, what’s ur initial feeling about the Thoughtful Re-Engagement?
RS:
as a sorta nostalgia-core reading my old journals-wave kinda girl … i love it.
bumping an old Hinge match is giving shopping in your own closet. dare I say? it’s downright Sustainable, it’s Green…
HK:
And here’s the thing who among us is not guilty of being on a dating profile when we weren’t quite ready to date? Who among us hasn’t let a conversation go stale not because of any lack of fractured digital beauty, but because you were just mad sleepy or had a tummy ache? These things happen.
Now we wouldn't want to send our maniacally horny readers into the wilderness without explaining exactly how to use this tool. So we’ve put together a set of guidelines for everyone to get started with – the Tasteful Re-engagement Criteria
Good Hang’s Tasteful Re-engagement Criteria
Are they so digitally beautiful/handsome that they make u wanna throw up or jump out of a window. If so….do it
Do they seem anxious/avoidant? If so…cautiously bump. People are constantly in conversation with their own neuroses…maybe you catch them on a good day and then change their life and heal their trauma through love
Has it been at least 6 months? A 1 month bump? Bad news..you’re being annoying. 2-4 months? What is this ur thing? Bumping old messages? 5 months? Nobody changes in 5 months. 6 months or more…you are in business….
Are they poly? Yea i’d poly leave that one alone!!
RS
5. don’t be like this guy
HK:
yea whatever you do DON’T say you were a Trotskyite. Girls hate that kinda thing