Good Hang Gives Back: Advice On How To Get 2 Girlfriends

Plus the psychosexual advantages of hosting

Ok before we get into the inaugural Good Hang Gives Back advice series…we have some other news.

We are having a PARTY in NYC with FLUFFERS. It’s next Saturday, April 13th. Cross your fingers for an ISNO day. And please RSVP:

We’re not a Media Party we’re Media, Party

Hey Good Hang,

I'm about to turn 30 and what I just really want is to be in a throuple! Like, this is what I would ask Santa for if I wasn't...about to turn 30 (and Jewish). Oh and I'm queer, like only into girls and vaguely girl-ish people. I live in a small city in a European country which sounds way cooler than it really is, but is mainly just #stressful as a person of color. I have big plans to move to a real city on another continent in approximately two/three years once I've graduated and saved some money, but for now I'm stuck here. 

The apps are dead, there is literally no one hot or interesting left. I go to different events every week because I genuinely love to be out and about, but all I ever see is a vast pool of normie white dykes who just want to be monogamous and go hiking until they die. I don't want to hike, I want to have two hot girlfriends who will apply affect theory to Love is Blind with me. When I go to more bdsm/poly related events I at least find people who aren't into monogamy, but they're still so achingly white I feel like an actual alien. 

I'm a broke student, so I can't jet off to bigger/more diverse places to search for love(s), and I feel like I've exhausted my city's dating pool. 

What can I do? Please help!

yours,

Thirty, Flirty and Not Thriving

HK:

Hello Thirty Flirty,

When I am asked about “how to break into podcasting” I will, in earnest, say that the best thing I did for my career was move to Brooklyn and tell anyone I’d meet at a party or a pre-game that I wanted to get into podcasting. 

After some success, I then tried the same general strategy with finding a girlfriend. So far this has not worked.

I suspect applying this logic to “I want to be in a throuple” will fall somewhere in the middle of my two experiences because a throuple sounds like both having a girlfriend and finding a full-time job in a burgeoning creative field that your parents haven’t heard of. 

I have some advice, but I do need to put a little disclaimer here because you mentioned that the banal whiteness of some of the communities you are in has been the problem, and this morsel of advice is going to start with an extremely ‘white’ anecdote. 

In the 1989 Baseball film Field of Dreams, Kevin Costner's character is told by the ghost of ‘Shoeless’ Joe Jackson that he needs to build a baseball field in the middle of a cornfield so old famous dead baseball players can come play baseball with him.

Mrs. Flirty, you are Kevin Costner.

One of Costner's ghost friends delivers what is now the most memorable line of the movie. He says “If you build it, he will come.” In your situation ‘he’ is two hot European femmes and come is….cum. Perhaps it’s more a Feeld of dreams.  

RS: Before Harry gets carried away… well… I do agree with the “If you build it, they will come” mindset.

I’m gonna take your word for it and believe it when you say you’ve exhausted all your local options and you can’t move elsewhere. So that leaves us with only one option: bringing the “vaguely girl-ish,” queer, bipoc, and poly people to you. 

Here are some options:

Host an artist residency and advertise in the Words of Mouth newsletter…

Buy Instagram ads like this guy:

• Get like… Janelle Monae or somebody to do an exclusive one-off show in your city

• Go 90-day-fiance / Married at First Sight / The Bachelorette mode and get a television network to fly out a bunch of couples competing for your throuple honors

• Start a newsletter profiling queer bipoc poly people

You get the idea…

HK: Ok see…this is why randa and I are a dynamic duo. I was thinking the same thing. I’d like to add one more layer though. The PsychoSexual Advantages of Hosting An Event. 

Hosting a party can be stressful, no doubt about it, but the upside psychosexually, is nearly infinite. Hosting is one of the most erotic things you can do. The worst part, after all, about having everyone's attention, is what you need to do to get it. 

Picture this, it's week 9 of your weekly Wednesday night BDSM Book Club. You’ve called it, semi-ironically, Books, Drinking, Sometimes Masochism. The regulars are there, but your cool coworker who started coming after say week 4 wanted to bring two of her friends. “Yeah its called BDSM…we jokingly read excerpts of famous books that reference kink and bdsm dynamics…but mostly we just hang out. The host [Redacted] is super cool,” was your coworker’s pitch two her drop-dead gorgeous pair of open-minded compatriots. 

The two new women arrive at the quiet bar you host it at. A bar, in all likelihood, they’ve heard good things about. 6-8 immaculately dressed sexy book enthusiasts stand around joking and chatting. The two newbies intuit, likely, that you are the Don of this BDSM book club. You’ll get everyone in the circle and kick the night off. Now… in this situation, those two women will be having between 1-25 intrusive thoughts about having double sex with you. That is a Good Hang Guarantee. 

RS: It’s true… 

As a host of 7 lifetime Partiful events I can speak on this topic with confidence… Hosting the party makes you the most irresistible person there by default. Social interactions are all status games, and when you’re the host, you’re the highest status person in the room.

Even if you don’t meet your two GFs at one of your parties directly, being a host of something, a creator of something, makes you a person of interest. People will think about you more. They’ll introduce you to their friends, invite you to stuff, ask to interview you on their niche podcast… the opportunities are endless.

So, Thirty Flirty, in the words of another techno billionaire funder of new right e girl media projects… It’s Time To Build.

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