A longitudinal study on the ideal bar vibe

build your ultimate bar with $15

Dear Randa 

I went to Rays last week, twice in one night. I actually have been to both of Nicholas Brauns's bars in the last two weeks. No shots at CG but neither spot were for me. Ray’s was more of a This is Not My Vibe situation, but the other spot I had more ideological issues with: you can’t have reservations for a bar. (Finally, something connected to the downtown scene that is ACTUALLY fascist.)

Baron Davis was at Ray's when i was there and I can’t confirm this but it did genuinely seem like he asked the DJ to play Fancy by Drake. This was all so so so so so sick. I’m never going back. 

Then this weekend I pulled up to a new wine bar in Bed Stuy called Frog Bar and was pretty much immediately taken by it. The vibes were so refined that it go the fellas doing meta-discourse about what makes a vibey bar, vibey… which brings me to this. 

long time readers will know that this newsletter is a Thiel Backed NeoConservative Multimedia Project With Clandestine Goals…and so obviously, we need some graphics.

Randa…lets do a little Market Research…boots on the ground type of thing and see where the center of the nmjc Cold One Nexus really is.

u know i love Market Research. i will call upon some of my heavy hitters.

Without further adieu….

Data

Haley O'Shaughnessy

Bonafides: I’ve talked extensively about the aesthetics of the Louisville Legion bar near her house.

Build your ideal bar and tell us why: no cover (unless there is live music or a DJ), no line, good happy hour, easy to get a drink. It is becoming very clear to me that my ideal bar is about having the least barriers possible.. if i could go back and do it again maybe i would pick the wildcard and have the bar stream jeopardy, survivor, louisville games and love island when they’re live. but i will also be happy with the no cover.

Benjamin Schneider

Bonafides: Ben writes about urbanism for a living. He also lives near Sharlenes (the best bar in the world)

$1 Weird Regional Beer, $2 coherent vibe bathroom, $3 Good food, $4 Near your house. $5 Big backyard. If you’re gonna serve food, don’t give me a bag of Voodoo chips. This is, again, a matter of public health. 

Anne Cadet (of Café Anne)

Bonafides: Anne brings a sober perspective… because bars, after all, are selling a dream, not booze.

$5 quorum of hot people, $4 near my house, $3 small backyard, $2 little string lights, $1 bring your own food. Big backyards are scary. I moved to NYC to escape nature. But little backyards are cool and charming, especially with string lights aka "cheap magic."

Sean Yoo

Credentials: IG story is busting with vibey food. We texted about the whole Horses thing hours after the story broke

near my house ($4), good food ($3), easy to get a drink ($3) , chilled red ($2), and i’m saving the extra dollar because of the recession. “My ideal bar is basically all the best parts of my home but not at home but also not too far away”

LB Hernandez

Bonafides: Randa’s old craigslist-roommate-turned-friend who knows all the lyrics to Gasolina by Daddy Yankee.

tunes $5, wacky beers $1, near house $4, big backyard 5$. As I slither into my later 20s, having a bar I can pop over last minute or ditch early without having to worry about calling an Uber, cab, or form of public transportation is paramount.

Peter Thiel

Bonafides: early investor in facebook and the nmjc psyop project

chilled red $2, hot people $5, easy to get a drink $3, dimmed lights $2, good happy hour $3. The most successful companies make the core progression—to first dominate a specific niche and then scale to adjacent markets—a part of their founding narrative.

Conclusion

I’m seeing a LOT of juice for “Near Your House” at $4. I want to make a quick argument against that selection. I think, sometimes, there is a sort of magical value of The Send.

In The Dark Knight Rises Batman finds himself in a big hole and he’s gotta climb out of it. He ties a rope around his waist so if he falls he doesn’t die. Its kind of this whole community gathering thing where everyone’s like “yooooo….he might do it!” but for a good chunk of the movie he can’t make the last jump.

…that is…until he decides to TAKE OFF the rope around his waist and kind of be like…if i don’t make this jump im gonna die. Thats how I feel about going to Greenpoint.

If you go no rope full send mode….ur trapped. You pull up to Pony Boy and there’s a long line, you don’t have the option to just walk home. You NEED to figure out a way for the night to go on. And sometimes…thats’s exactly what a great night calls for. So like yes, the ideal bar is near my house…but every once in a while you gotta go Bane Mode.

I think what this means, Harry, is that our subscribers and communities are angling towards the non-fascist version of those startups trying to build new cities. NMJC subscribers and friends just want to live within a few blocks of everything they need. Maybe it’s time for a cheeky pivot…

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Idle Chatter